At times I feel like broadcasting my inner thoughts and feelings to the entire world. Sometimes a 140 character limit is not enough, even if there is no limit on the number of times you take advantage of that.

I’ve been wondering whether this ‘alias’ and having this split identity is worth the trouble. I mean, admittedly there are people in my life that I don’t want to share some things with, but then again there are some topics that I do want to share.

I’m very reserved so it’s difficult to bring up in conversation directly bit through the net it seems easier. On one hand I want people to know the real me, but on the other hand it would be great of these mags could have guarantees delivery to the right people. However, the net is not a courier service, nor a telepathic medium.

Not quite sure what I’m trying to say here. I guess, 1. I feel disconnected at times. 2. I wish I could connect better with this world. 3. Am I becoming increasingly reclusive / lacking enthusiasm / losing my drive to grow? … Or something like that ;p

I am bottling up too much stress and frustration lately. I am really on the edge. Seriously, one word, one small motion and I think Iight go insane.

Work is really not as satisfying as it used to be; my Omikuji from the new year and my life don’t seem to match. I do not feel lucky and I do not feel that sticking this out will do any good for me.

My soul and body are overflowing with stress and fatigue. I don’t know if it’s just my state of mind but my heart is going it’s own way. Maybe it’s delusional, and it’s more likely just a channel for my messed up life but these precious rays of light are keeping me going. Small distractions are keeping me grounded.

Valentines is coming up soon. I said that I wished it would hurry up and be March, but in all honesty I just want to be able to enjoy the day without negative emotions – resentment, loneliness and sadness.

Anyway, tonight I had dinner with some friends – Chinese hot pot. It was actually really tasty! It had all sorts of mushrooms, cabbage, herbs and spices. A welcome and much needed distraction from life.

My head is too full.

The escape to ME cannot come sooner. Only a month. I await miracles.

Still dreaming… Scratch that. make that a nightmare.