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So, it’s been a few days since I got back from my trip to London. It was only my second trip back since I moved here and as with the previous trip it was a rollercoaster of emotions… a really predictable one at that. Anyway, before the trip I was raring to get back to London – see my parents, see my friends, go to China Town etc etc…. I get there and I’m like “meh, it’s London, nothing different compared to Tokyo right…” – as before, it took me a few days to get back into the spirit of being a Londoner and as soon as I did, I really did not want to leave! Catching up with friends, drinking at the local watering hole, eating Chinese… seriously amazing! Anyway, I fly back to Japan and as soon as I land I start noticing all these annoying little things about the country; All these small things that I had “gotten used to” over the past year just came blaring back at me. Things like in the baggage hall, the constant repetitive PA telling people to fill out their customs forms… the constant repetitive voices of the ground staff reminding us to check the baggage tags to make sure the bags are ours… on tv it’s the constant loudness! I think this country does not know when to shut up.

Anyway, to summarise, I had a fantastic time in London and I keep wishing I had the same atmosphere and social network in Tokyo. Admittedly, that would be difficult considering my history here is eclipsed by that of London. Good friends don’t just appear and great friends are an even rarer thing. Yeah, I think that’s the main thing. It’s not so much I love London, I mean I really do, but it’s more the people I know there.

F1

Actually, today I was watching the F1 Japanese grandprix, it was an exciting race and I enjoyed watching it except for the stupid commentary. The constant reference to Toyota being on their home turf, Button being in his second home (his gf is half Japanese), the Japanese driver that finished last… soo much “patriotism” or what I would just categorise as misplaced enthusiasm. F1 is about the driver not the nationality on his passport. I really don’t care about the driver in last place, and I would prefer referring to the 2nd place as Trulli and not Toyota… it was afterall him in the driver seat.

Signs

Weird thing happened in London. Over the short period I was there… including the short hop to Belgium with my parents… I saw 3 newlywed couples still in their wedding gear… all happy and lovey-dovey. On the gangway to the plane home, HSBC had their usual advertising posters – this time it had photos of marriage with some slogan next to them.

Seriously, disturbing if this was meant to be a sign. If it was, then at least point in the the right direction. You need two people in a wedding! … also, I’m not planning on getting married that near in the future!

Reboot

So, back in Tokyo. I feel I need to reboot my life here. As one of my friends pointed out, I need to be less negative… although that wasn’t exactly referring to my life… time to fight

BBQで上司に説教されて、あの時は全然気にしてなかったんだけど、the more I think about it, the more I wonder… what the hell am I doing? Where is my life going?

I know my blog entries tend to centre around the same topics over and over again. I understand how boring and dull my life must seem to you all. I wish I could write about something more interesting. I wish I could be more positive.

I like to think I used to be an outgoing, happy kid… but to be honest, that happy self probably went into hibernation a long long time ago. 最近は本当に楽しいって思ったのは何度も歩けど、正直those happy times are so shortlived, it scares me. The moment, we 解散, all that happiness slips aways って感じ。超情けないな。

These moments of fragility are so frequent these days, it seriously adds to the never-ending stresses that I seem to create for myself. It’s a vicious circle.

In my life, I like to think that I have priorities… family, friends, work, etc, etc… but then, sometimes I think, what the hell is the point of having priorities if they don’t make me happy. Seriously, I can’t explain this.

Does being a 社会人 mean that conversation revolves around work, weekend plans, romantic happenings (if any), vacation plans… ok, I have no idea what other conversation there is, but life feels a little stale recently. I think I need a little more excitement… nothing crazy, but to be honest, I think I need something that really gets my heart racing.

You know, sometimes when you have that feeling of wanting to let your frustration out by punching something? or maybe, screaming at the top of your voice. The feeling of being trapped in this shell, self created or imposed by the environment I’m in, it’s tiring.

Honestly, I do not regret for a single minute the decision to come over here. I just want to be able to show that my life is just as great, if not better, than everybody that remained in London. At the moment, the only reason for my life being better is, I’m in Tokyo, you lot aren’t. But seriously, that’s shallow… The screaming I want to do… I don’t want it to be about frustration, stresses, etc.. I want it to be about my fantastic life… the awesome things I’m doing…

I’d hoped the past week would kick start something, change something… all the events I went to, all the people I met up with, everything… and nothing. Meeting up with new friends, friends from work, uni friends, old friends from 5-10 years ago…. all of it was fantastic! I really did enjoy seeing everyone. Catching up, shooting the breeze, whatever. I hate to say this, but I want more.

Unsatisfactory.

In Other News

In other news, I bought a new laptop. After 5 years of serving me extremely well, my laptop finally died. Over the years, I’ve made some adjustments like, adding new RAM, remapping my keyboard to work around broken keys, putting up with a dodgy sound system, living with an extremely noisy, most likely loose, fan…. and the final straw… the screen losing all brightness – not completely dark but, so dark that you can just about see the outline of a window.

Anyway, I bought the new studio xps 13. It’s snazzy, yes. But I still miss my old laptop. I mean, after 5 years, I had it set up near perfectly. Shortcuts, applications, settings, etc. I have to redo all of that.

I previously spoke up having near everything backed up online. Admittedly, I started that as I forsaw the day that my laptop would die. However, getting my new laptop I was faced with a difficult choice. After near 4 years working, studying and living on Ubuntu… was I going to install it on my new laptop or not? I mean, study is no more – work is at work, and living? well, living is just the internet, email and the occasional editing of some document. I don’t play games on my laptop these days… programming is mainly limited to work… I’m going to try migrating back to Windows. A heavily modified Windows environment obviously. Trying to integrate as much of the best features of linux into Windows is going to a mighty difficult task, but it’s a challenge I’m going to attempt to tackle. To be honest, being such a new computer, I reckon Ubuntu would still have a few quirks it would need to sort out… plus, the latest release has been full of bugs. In a few months time, either I would have successfully migrated to the cloud, or I’ll be installing the next release of Ubuntu, or maybe 7?

Either way, it looks like it’ll take me a few weeks to get used to this new machine.

Anyway, to all the geeks out there, I’d just like to say…

svn-ing your entire computer has its challenges and is frustrating at times, but it can be worthwhile. Admittedly, it’s near impossible to have compatibility with Windows and Linux on the same repository, plus, I have yet to successfully test this out across multiple machines, but it’s a lot easier than the stupid network drive set up. The damn thing keeps losing connection every time I try to bloody copy a large file and it’s too damn laggy to stream media off!

Finally…

I’m currently in the middle of watching the Robocop: Prime Directives mini tv series. It’s メチャ懐かしい！ I think I’m turning to the past more and more often these days…. so not good.

In similar news… I was talking with a friend about actresses that are our types… we couldn’t really name any recent ones *shock* we realised that we’re old enough to have lived through more than one ‘era’ … are we from the Bullock, Kidman, Aniston, Ryan, Roberts era? Does that era include Portman, Johannson, Jolie, etc? Either way, to have lived through more than one era for anything, be it movies, tv series, politics, music… that is a scary thought!

I had a bit of a shopping spree last week. Kind of retail therapy but not really, as it wasn’t very theraputic… I bought 4 new games:

1. No More Heroes (Wii)
2. Wii Sport Resort (Wii)
3. Pikmin 2 (Wii)
4. InFamous (PS3)

I have yet to play anything other than 1. but I’m really looking forward to inviting some friends round to test out the Motion Plus thing on Resort. Will most likely blog about it once I do. But yeah, No More Heroes is turning out to be pretty interesting.. will review that too soon!

Anyway, last words…

Who the hell reads my blog these days anyway?

Happy New Year! あけましておめでとうございます。今年もよろしくお願いします。All the best for 2009.

So, I saw through the New Year at my grandparents place in the countryside, in Japan, for the second consecutive year. I have a vague recollection of standing on Westminster Bridge to see the fireworks in 2007 but I don’t recall anything before that. This New Year was the first new year that I celebrated as a resident of this country. Having complained and stressed over the commercialisation and couple-ism of Christmas in previous posts, I actually prefer the Japanese style New Year over the Western version. I guess it’s because it has a lot more tradition, be it, eating 年越しそば (toshikoshi-soba) at Midnight, to signify long life and good health for the coming year. Eating おせち (Osechi) and お雑煮 (Ozouni) over the first few days of the New Year. Visiting the Shrines for 初詣　(Hatsumoude). Other more modern traditions include watching 紅白歌合戦 (Kouhaku uta gasen) on Eve, which despite being littered with unknown artists is a delight to watch. This year’s highlights included a 25 Year anniversary medley of music from films produced by the Ghibli Studios pairing of Hayao Miyazaki and Jo Hisaishi. Songs from films such as Totoro, Nausica, Laputa and the latest film Ponyo, which I have yet to see!

I got to see Mount Fuji on Eve and also on New Year’s Day, which some may interpret as bringing good luck in the coming year – I really do hope so!

It wasn’t all good fun though. I barely got any rest at my grandparents place, as every day they woke up early and made me do chore after chore. I didn’t complain as it’s not every day that I get to do 親孝行 (Oya-kou-kou), which apparently translates as “filial piety”; I have no idea what the English means, but the Japanese can be roughly translated as “making your parents happy”, by looking after them, doing something nice for them, etc. In my case it would be “Oba-chan kou-kou” as Oya means parents and Oba-chan means grandmother. Anyway, my point is there’s only really me that spends time with them regularly, and especially this New Years, I was the only 孫 (mago, grandchild) there.

On what turned out to be my last day there. I woke up around 9am, when my grandmother complained that they were waiting for me to wake up so we could have breakfast together. She asked me if I was feeling unwell as I hadn’t woken up – Yes, clearly, waking up at 9am means I’m unwell and waking up around 8am means I’m fine! I guess on the plus side, it doesn’t feel so bad getting back into work mode as I don’t have to wake up earlier than I did during the break!

So, graduation week has come and gone, with me now firmly sitting back in my Tokyo apartment ruefully reminiscing the days gone by. A 2 week break would have been a lot more relaxing but unfortunately I don’t have the accrued days this year to do that.

Anyway, I can’t change the fact that I’m back; nor the fact that the weather in Tokyo seems just as bad as it was in London, except + a few degrees of warmth. It’s cold enough for me to wear a jumper. Then again, that could be because my body clock is screwed up and it can’t keep itself warm.

Graduation Day

Graduation day started off bright and early with an effort to beat the undoubted queues for collecting the gown and getting the official photographs taken. Unfortunately I misjudged the willingness of people to arrive early and found that after arriving at 8:30am, I was done by 9, leaving me with 2 hours to spare before the actual ceremony started!

It was fine though – it gave me a chance to speak to the multitude of friends and acquaintances that I ran across. Despite it only being two months since I had left the country, in some cases it had been a lot longer since I had seen them last. Now, I’m wondering when I’ll see some of these people again.

The ceremony itself was a somewhat dull affair with the Rector giving a slightly politically toned opening speech regarding the economy, research funding, university admissions and so forth. The speech was followed by a somewhat drawn out naming of each graduand as they walked up on stage to be officially turn in to a graduate with a handshake. There was approximately 1000 people graduating in the morning ceremony, with an equally large number in the afternoon ceremony. Thankfully, I was called up quite early on so any nervousness I may have had evaporated and I could “concentrate” on the magnificent day.

Post-ceremony was much the same as pre-ceremony with a lot of mingling and talking to various people. Photographs being taken and stories being swapped. Drinking featured throughout the day with the champagne reception and then a trip to our old haunt, the student Union.

The day did not creep into the night as much as some had envisaged with many people heading off with their families for dinner. A lot of us were too tired for them to return and the night to continue… another time perhaps?

Friday

Friday was a two part affair with the early afternoon spent with a couple of school friends down at the East India Club. We were all suited up, which was a slightly bizarre feeling considering we were just there to play snooker.

Anyway, the afternoon soon turned into evening, where I ran across London to meet up with my Japanese uni friends. One of them had never had fish and chips before so I insisted I take her to eat some. We went to George’s, which was not exactly the closest place but I vaguely remembered it being pretty good. I hope everyone wasn’t too annoyed by the long walk to and from the eating establishment! The food was soon chased down by drinks at first, one of my favourite pubs on Portobello Road and then a trip cross town to the Sports Cafe. Despite being semi-aware that my flight was the next day, I thoroughly enjoyed the night out although I should probably have been more restrained in the amount I drank.

The Flight

There was a couple of school groups on the flight back to Tokyo. They weren’t loud or annoying so they didn’t bother me too much. I was curious though… the distances these kids go now for school trips is unbelievable! The furthest I think I went with my school was Western Europe on a history trip!

Talking of trips. I went to see Blood Brothers, a musical tragedy, where over half the audience in the lower stalls were school kids! Lucky them! I do remember going to see Oliver! when I was at school though – we went to see one of our friends in that.

Parting Thoughts

Now that I may back in Tokyo – with the daunting prospect of heading in to work tomorrow. I can’t help compare the two great cities of East and West. Here are a few small things I’ve noticed:

Escalators: stand on the right, walk on the left vs. stand on the left, walk on the right
Toilet seats: A cold toilet seat really does wake you up in the morning, no heated seats in London!
Night Bus: 24hr system of London is superior to the lack of night time transport in Tokyo.
Culture: London has museums, theatres and history which can not be matched in Tokyo
Food: Tokyo has great food. In London, you have to pay a premium for that kind of luxury.
Smoking: Tokyo should really introduce the smoking ban, it makes a huge difference on a night out!
Friends: my social network in London will be difficult to surpass out here in Tokyo but I really do need to give it a shot!
Parents: they never do stop lecturing you and giving obvious advice whatever age you are!

So, the graduation photos are up on FB, with others to follow shortly. Now, to recover from jet lag as quickly as possible so this week is not too hellish!

Having been back in London, my hometown as it were, for the past few days, I feel that I haven’t missed it as much as I thought I would. Yes, there are so many things in London that’s been nice to see or experience again but if I were asked whether I enjoy London or Tokyo more, I really would not be able to say London with 100% confidence anymore. I have changed.

The weather has been a lot colder than I expected it to be. Admittedly, if I had thought about it rationally, I would have realised that 10-15 degrees is mighty cold! Anyway, that plus the rain has put a bit of a dampener on my return!

Having said all that, the one thing I have missed are my friends. Having spent so many years over here it is difficult to replace those social circles or even come anywhere close to matching them in the short few months I’ve lived in Japan. I await the day I have the same level of friends in Tokyo as I do in London.

Anyway, yesterday I popped in to the London office to sync up with the guys over here. It was a strange affair as personally, I’d be the last person I’d want to send on a mission like this. I am the least knowledgeable, least experienced and lowest on the organisational hierarchy. I just hope I have all the information people have asked for and I haven’t let the team down!

However, I did allow myself to dream somewhat, imagining myself as the official go-between for Tokyo and London. Getting the occasional holiday+business trip back to London! It’s nice to be recognised in some way I guess.

On a similar note, I’ve been asked to be the organiser for the L + N new-grad get together. Responsibility can be rewarding at times.

Anyway, you may wonder why I’m online blogging at this time of day; I’m actually wondering myself why I’m here and not out! I seem to have grouped together all my get-togethers meaning my evenings are busy but my daytimes are sooooo empty! Hmm… may be I should sort something out.

Tomorrow is the graduation! Hopefully it won’t be too boring to sit there for hours but very exciting!

Lastly, I’ll leave you with this quote I uncovered, it even has the date I apparently uttered these words! It is refreshingly youthful, energetic and light-hearted, reminding me of my school days!

“I wish people would stop comin online, it gives me no pleasure in blocking them” – 29/5/2003

Having just watched the closing ceremony of the olympic games I feel slightly let down. I was just not as blown away by the whole thing as the opening ceremony and it felt slightly less well rehearsed. Also, I feel live music never works in such a large stadium, with problems of acoustics and coordination with the sound system. It just felt really echoy and stuttery.

I was also disappointed by the idiocy of Boris Johnson with his stupid mock saluting instead of limiting himself to a standard wave. He also decided to stick his hands in his suit pockets which made him look like a prat. Following the handover the London PR show was slightly better, although we coulda not done with Beckham or Leonna. The whole singing in the rain-esque thing was ok and the red bus was a good representation of London but I feel it didn’t quite sell the city!

The camera work was all over the place too. I don’t know whether each broadcasting association has control over which camera to use but it jumped around far too much. The opening ceremony had much better shots of the whole of the Bird’s Nest floor but this time it kept cutting to the outside view and strange close ups with “artistic” views. I couldn’t quite get the feel of the whole show.

Anyway, with all the asian artists ranging from Jackie Chan, Rain, Andy Lau, why were there no Japanese singers? The Koreans, Mongolians, Chinese, Hong Kong, all seemed to have representatives… at least include the likes of BoA who can speak Japanese! …. then again, the genetic make up of the entire Japanese population in terms of looks loses out to the tall, slightly built koreans and the mainland asians. Oh well, we couldn’t even beat them in the medals table *sigh* What’s becoming of this great land of the rising sun? is it setting?

I seem to have let Twitter overrun my blogging for the past couple of weeks. It’s just so easy to send a short snapshot of my current state than a long winded emotional splurge on the ups and downs of my life.

I went out with a few friends tonight to Trader Vic’s tonight. Tonight really would be the last time I’d see them (until October). I said at the end that I wasn’t at all emotional about the whole goodbye thing but as soon as I started walking down the street, the emotion just washed over me. The entire journey home I felt utterly lost and confused. I’ve been asked so many times whether I’m looking forward to leaving… and every time I can never say “yes”. There is just too much I’m leaving behind to make it a comfortable farewell.

I think I’m more scared than anything else. The fear of the unknown. The fear of leaving everything familiar behind. I really do not know what I should be feeling right now.

Walking back slowly from the station home after an evening out celebrating the end of our finals, a number of thoughts passed through my mind. I have always been a pretty serious minded individual and the things I think about really do reflect that at times; it feels completely different after a few drinks.

I was feeling somewhat jaded after the exam and not really in the mood for drinking but luckily my mood picked up. Anyway, I’ve always found it difficult to comprehend the thoughts and actions taken by others whilst under the influence, and today was no different. I won’t go into the details and swiftly move on to commenting on these thoughts.

I realised again today how amazing this city is. I really do love London. Being born and bred in this great city, it is difficult to imagine living and loving another place. The months I spent in Tokyo last year were definitely a life changing experience but nothing compares to the depth and strengh of attachment I have with this beautiful capital. People talk bout the culture and the people of a place but tonight I saw the beauty of the city itself. Walking down the South Bank, the beauty of this wonderful city was nearly overwhelming.

I leave in mid-August and I’m away for most of July, meaning I only have around 2 months in London. There are so many things I want to do in this city; so many sights to soak up before I depart. I know I’ve talked about this so many times before and no doubt I will again, but it really is a topic so close to my heart. Not many things move me but at times like this I realise…. this city will always be home.

I would have sworn in the title, it’s that god damn shocking… except I’d rather keep this blog clean :p

Ya know, it’s bloody difficult to take a decent photo of it snowing; white snow in the foreground against a haze of white clouds and white buildings in the background doesn’t provide enough contrast at all.

I haven’t seen snow like this in years…

I wrote that pathetic excuse of a blog entry a couple of days ago. I feel a little more energetic today in terms of writing an awesome one but thinking about it now, I’m not entirely sure what to write about.

I’ve been hit by the sore throat, muggyness and general symptoms of being ill since yesterday. It’s been coming for a long time, ever since my housemates both caught it and then Eri’s visit with her deadly version of the disease! Despite my best attempts to stave it off by eating fruit and taking lots of medication, keeping away from the infected, etc, it just wasn’t going to be. For one, I live with my housemates (funnily enough), and second, I spent the entire weekend with Eri. O, our houseparty and the houseparty I went to yesterday probably has not helped things either.

Now, I’m drinking cold lemsip as I forgot I had made some. My temples slightly ache, and my eyes are sore, along with my throat and the general feeling of being exhausted. I guess it was bound to hit me at this time of year; being the end of term, all that stress, tension and what not kinda lifts a little and as soon as I feel like chilling out for a bit… *bang*, I’m ill!