Happy New Year everyone!!

So, it’s finally 2010 and I can say good riddance to 2009. 2009 was undoubtedly a year to forget. Looking back, there were few moments I really enjoyed and the year in general was littered with downs more than ups.

For me personally, 2009 will always be remembered as the year my grandfather passed away. A man I greatly respected and loved dearly. He was incredibly intelligent, sharp and truly remarkable. I would be happy if I could become half the man he was.

On a larger scale, 2009 was a tough year economically and an unsettled year at work. Ripples from the fall of 2008 were still being felt and the company I work for was still in the midst of figuring out where to go. Work did not really pick up until the fall of 2009, but once it did, there was no stopping it. A 6 day week was becoming the norm and myself commuting to work right up to the 31st.

Anyway, so, putting aside all the drama of 2009. I feel 2010 will be a lot better.

Unplugged

So, my phone ran out of battery soon after the clock struck midnight; the worst possible timing in my mind. I had so many mails to send to so many people to wish them a happy new year but that all had to wait. With my charger a few hundred km away, I had to spend a whole day without a phone. An incredibly surreal situation. I survived. It made me realise I really do need to step away from my phone, from my computer, from technology on occasion. In the totally plugged in world of today, it was a great relief to not constantly be flipping my phone open only to realise all that awaited me was the wallpaper.

However, pnce home, phone charged up and switched on, it was somewhat depressing to find that I only had two or three mails in my inbox. Maybe the mails don’t get delivered if your phone is switched off for too long? That’s a more comforting thought than the realisation that the people I was thinking of, the people I would have sent mails to if my phone had any juice, were not thinking of me. … or maybe they just ran out of phone battery too! Ah well, it ain’t 2012 and the end of the world just yet …

Change

As last year drew to a close I thought I needed to change; I thought I needed to change my way of thinking, change my actions, become more active. You know, grasp my life by the scruff of the neck and push myself towards that elusive happiness. However, I decided that that isn’t the correct course of action.

New Year means visiting the shrine. It’s called Hatumoude 初詣 and is the first visit to the shrine of the new year. At the shrine, I usually do an omikuji – last year’s oracle wasn’t so good with it being a hankichi 半吉, one of the lowest blessings. This year I got daikichi 大吉, which is the greatest blessing one can get.

So, with my great blessing came the words of wisdom telling me not to rush into changing… to stick out a little longer with what I have now and everything will work out fine. It said, any change will end badly and to keep doing what I’ve been doing. For health, it said everything will be fine. For love, it stated that things will come together in the near future… all in all it gave me hope. It may be just a piece of paper to most people but to me, it is a shining light of hope. With the prophecies more often that not ending up reflecting reality, it is hard not to take in the words at some level. Maybe it’s psychology. Maybe by reading something and believing it, it becomes true. Then again, if I read good things all the time… it doesn’t make my life any better. Anyway, I am going to make this year, my year. Bring it on!

I knew what today was; I’d been reluctantly counting down the days ever since we hit September. Up to that point it was aiming for that one year landmark of my career. I managed to get through most of the day without making a big deal about it. However, then it all went pear shaped.

Drinks, parties, celebrations? Why would I want to celebrate this. That fateful day turned my whole world upside down. I hate that slogan… but then again, I realised today that it was the biggest shock of my life. I have no regrets choosing the path of leaving on a jet plane and not knowing when I’d head back again. However, so much changed on that day, so much.

No time to settle in, no time to make my mark, the clocked stopped that day. When will it start again?

Ok, I am still employed, I have new friends, I have work and responsibilities, I am experiencing a once in an era event first hand… a clash of cultures, etc, etc, blah blah blah…

Reality is cruel and depressing.

I thought I’d finished with the whole figuring out where my future lay but with this unexpected turn of events, I have the opportunity to figure it all out again.

The whole unravelling of my future has left me dazed, unbalanced and any other word which can describe this unsettling plethora of feelings; I have somewhat lost confidence – have I lost my way after the first step?

I really have no idea if I want to stay in this industry or not at the moment. I didn’t expect to feel how I felt today; I didn’t really know what to expect.

All I can do is fight on. Believe in myself. Rediscover that lost path.

Tonight is probably, baring a miracle tomorrow, that i’ll have internet at least until I head into work on Monday. I’m collecting the keys to my new place tomorrow and along with that moving most of my stuff in.

I can’t really imagine what it’d be like living there with furniture and having settled down but I can envision the first few weeks being quite tough. As there is absolutely no furniture except a number of left electrical appliances I haven’t decided whether to stay there tomorrow night or wait until at least my futon arrives on Sunday. My grandparents were slightly paranoid that I wouldn’t be there to pick it up on Saturday so decided that Sunday would be the safer option…..despite the fact I’m picking up the keys on Saturday morning.

Anyway, I can just about picture the apartment furniture-less with just the 1 futon spread out in my room for the first couple of days. Monday, my brother moves his stuff in but the lounge will still have nothing. There is a counter/kitchen table but no chairs, no crockery, no kitchen utensils…

Having no internet will also make it somewhat difficult to order furniture online. I may have to resort to late night shifts at the office to take advantage of the net there….hopefully the sites won’t be blocked.

It’s all a major source of stress, which I’ve been trying to limit recently for various reasons.

The inset is the floor plan of the flat. I’m not sure whether it’s accurately to scale but the J means “jo-” (畳) and is a traditional measurement for room size. The alternate reading of the Kanji is “tatami”, from which you can probably guess the history. The dimensions varied from region to region but I think they’re standardised to 1.65m x 0.75m for property development.

There’s a whole range of traditional Japanese measurements, which can still be occasionally seen in use today, much like the Imperial measurements of the UK. One system still in use even by government officials is the traditional era names in place of the de-facto common era counting. Anyway, enough about that.

Tomorrow is the big move to Tokyo. I can’t 100% say that I’m looking forward to it; there is a small feeling of unease, but it’s definitely going to be a big move!

Anyway, I’ll try and post some pics up as soon as I have internet set up there…if not before, somehow…

The Break

I’m back from Las Vegas. I guess you knew that as I’m sure you all use Facebook. The question to ask seems to be “how was it?” or “how much did you lose/win?”. At the start of the holiday I didn’t really know why I’d decided to tag along. I wasn’t really in the frame of mind to gamble any money, nor was I excited about being across the other side of the world. Las Vegas didn’t seem like the place to unwind and relax. I still don’t think it is.

I adjusted to the strange pace of life after a couple of days and I started to enjoy my time there. After a mini blip with the jet lag and air conditioning screwing up my body for a day, I played my first whirl of slots and the Mojito Magic started. I still had my moments, the hot weather, the ice cold mojitos and the pool-side tanning, washed away my stresses.

There aren’t really many highlights to talk about; I’m not saying the trip was rubbish, far from it. I’m saying, we did some walking, talking, swimming, drinking, eating and gambling. I guess the one thing worth mentioning is the Penn and Teller show at the Rio – thoroughly entertaining. Although some of the tricks were not that impressive, it still was a nice night out.

Although there were a few frustrating moments, some minor disagreements, some frayed tempers, those moments complement the many wonderful memories of my week in Las Vegas. I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever return to that strange city but I had a great time.

O, I only lost around 20 dollars

Last night was billed by IC as the biggest Summer Ball in London. For me, the Summer Ball was probably the last night I’d see many of my friends. Since receiving the confirmation email for my flight to Japan I’ve felt somewhat unsettled. Unsettled, neither in a good or bad way. Just unsure as to how to feel about all of this. Even though I live for this life changing moments and cherish them deeply when they do happen, it’s never easy to actually go through one; not that I’ve lived a turbulent lifestyle.

On the contrary, I probably have had one of the least turbulent lifestyles imaginable. Looking back over the years, I suppose the major events of my life would include:

• going to Japan for a term and living in Hokkaido when I was 9 or 10
• starting DC life
• ending DC life
• the world tour
• starting uni
• the 6 month summer of last year

and now, ending uni. But, it’s not just ending university. It’s ending the educational part of my life. It’s leaving the London life behind. It’s starting from scratch. It’s scary.

Less than 2 months to go until I leave for Tokyo. Less than a month of experiencing London. Less than a week of the student life.

I submitted my final report today. My dissertation if you will. It was not as dramatic a moment as imagined but I did feel somewhat relieved that it was now done. I have however spent the entire day worried that I might have missed something, or that the report was not actually as well done as I imagined. I also can’t remember whether I proof read it other than at 9am in the morning when I hadn’t slept the previous night. Hmm… guess I may be slightly paranoid.

Anyway, E’s put some photos up on fb of the party the other night. I’m really gutted that more photos weren’t taken. I guess we’ll find out what’s on the single-use cameras. I also don’t recall a single pic of us two in a pic but I do hope there is one. *fingers crossed* Hopefully a load of other people took photos too. I should have had a group photo taken too, hmmm

I am absolutely exhausted today. After the initial elation had worn off and the adrenaline died down my body just turned itself off. I feel slightly bad for falling asleep next to the guys working on their reports but I really did need that power nap.

Hmmm, early night and late morning would be nice!

I asked my supervisor for his opinion and assurance that my final report, the final piece of written work of my university career, is up to scratch.
A few sentences which were open to interpretation:

1. the results section also describes what you did well

2. should be fine as it is

(1) does that mean I only described what went well and left out all the bad things?
does that mean there are things that I haven’t described but what I did describe was well written?
does that mean I described my results well?

(2) why did he not say “will be fine”. he’s the one marking it!!

Anyway. Today I finalised my report title; a massive moment. It can’t be changed now.

Tomorrow, I hand my report in. Wow!

I always feel terrible, absolutely awful afterwards. As well as the expected gaping hole in my life, the feelings always have more than a hint of annoyance at myself. So many things go through my head, so many things that want to be said and so many things that need to be said. Yet they remain unspoken. How can something so wonderful, so warm and so important be this complicated.

Last night I had the Plain White T’s song “Friends Don’t Let Friends Dial Drunk” playing in my head. It’s a great song and there are some good lines in it…one in particular, my mind kept screaming at me. The line got a bit morphed but the jist of it was there. It cut me up and knifed me a million times before I fell asleep.

Anyway, as most of you know I had a party on Saturday. It wasn’t quite one of those parties which turn into everlasting memories that I had built it up to be but I had a fantastic time. So many of my old school friends turned up that I wasn’t expecting. It definitely boosts the confidence when so many friends turn up. You feel loved. But yeah, due to my craziness and idiocy I ended up staying awake for around 40 hours but yeah… more later

Friday
I had one of those moments during the exam yesterday. I sat down and realised my bladder may not last the two hours – quenching thirst can be counter-productive on occasion. Fortunately my bladder did not explode. Unfortunately, worse was to come. As soon as the exam started and I read the first question, my mind went blank – a total pure white. The question was one of those compare and contrast two differing concepts but I could not remember a single thing about one of the concepts. Anyway, after muddling through the first question by continuing to refer to only one of the concepts, I was more successful for the remainder of the paper.

On completion of the third of the required questions, I remembered my initial blanking and thought I’d read through the question again – no luck, my mind still drew a blank. At that point, I considered whether this was due to the pressures of the exam or whether I had really failed to revise that topic.

Oh well… two left