I always feel terrible, absolutely awful afterwards. As well as the expected gaping hole in my life, the feelings always have more than a hint of annoyance at myself. So many things go through my head, so many things that want to be said and so many things that need to be said. Yet they remain unspoken. How can something so wonderful, so warm and so important be this complicated.

Last night I had the Plain White T’s song “Friends Don’t Let Friends Dial Drunk” playing in my head. It’s a great song and there are some good lines in it…one in particular, my mind kept screaming at me. The line got a bit morphed but the jist of it was there. It cut me up and knifed me a million times before I fell asleep.

Anyway, as most of you know I had a party on Saturday. It wasn’t quite one of those parties which turn into everlasting memories that I had built it up to be but I had a fantastic time. So many of my old school friends turned up that I wasn’t expecting. It definitely boosts the confidence when so many friends turn up. You feel loved. But yeah, due to my craziness and idiocy I ended up staying awake for around 40 hours but yeah… more later

Some people can bottle this kind of anger, frustration and stress up without venting it. Sometimes I can manage it too but I don’t know if it’s because I wasn’t particularly happy at the time or whatever, but my mood has not improved. Firstly, going out of my way to buy some food for tonight. I wouldn’t have minded if I was asked politely… Returning home, I cooked up some risotto… I felt generous and cooked a lot… Seeing the risotto and heading to the pub… ignored.

The day start off with so much promise this morning…

Why is my life filled with so much stress…

I feel like crap.