I haven’t really posted recently – from time to time I can think of topics I’d like to blog about but then by the time I actually sit in front of my computer I can’t really remember what I wanted to discuss.

Today, I went skiing again with the usual group. It was actually the first blue-sky skiing trip this season! It was so hot that I actually had to remove a layer before my first run. The flip-side to the sunny, wind-free weather was that the slopes got incredibly icy in the afternoon and also the risk of goggle-tan-lines.

Anyway, near the end I discovered the waves on one of the slopes – a series of consecutive bumps for jumping I guess – they were sooo much fun! I mean, just hitting air on the slopes is exhilarating! But then again, the rest of the course was icy and irregularly bumpy making it difficult to relax and enjoy the incredible weather and scenery.

So yeah, that was my day today.

I also been thinking I really miss my days of travelling. I think I really could do with one of those trips away from it all; I wonder where my next destination could be~

I could lead this entry on to the usual topics of work stress, my career prospects, my stagnant social life, my long term future, my life, my happiness….. but I think I’m all over the place recently. A lot of things need sorting out; I really don’t want to end up in a rut having settled for the status quo.

Some things just don’t feel right at the moment.

I seem to have let Twitter overrun my blogging for the past couple of weeks. It’s just so easy to send a short snapshot of my current state than a long winded emotional splurge on the ups and downs of my life.

I went out with a few friends tonight to Trader Vic’s tonight. Tonight really would be the last time I’d see them (until October). I said at the end that I wasn’t at all emotional about the whole goodbye thing but as soon as I started walking down the street, the emotion just washed over me. The entire journey home I felt utterly lost and confused. I’ve been asked so many times whether I’m looking forward to leaving… and every time I can never say “yes”. There is just too much I’m leaving behind to make it a comfortable farewell.

I think I’m more scared than anything else. The fear of the unknown. The fear of leaving everything familiar behind. I really do not know what I should be feeling right now.

Some people can bottle this kind of anger, frustration and stress up without venting it. Sometimes I can manage it too but I don’t know if it’s because I wasn’t particularly happy at the time or whatever, but my mood has not improved. Firstly, going out of my way to buy some food for tonight. I wouldn’t have minded if I was asked politely… Returning home, I cooked up some risotto… I felt generous and cooked a lot… Seeing the risotto and heading to the pub… ignored.

The day start off with so much promise this morning…

Why is my life filled with so much stress…

I feel like crap.