I haven’t really posted recently – from time to time I can think of topics I’d like to blog about but then by the time I actually sit in front of my computer I can’t really remember what I wanted to discuss.

Today, I went skiing again with the usual group. It was actually the first blue-sky skiing trip this season! It was so hot that I actually had to remove a layer before my first run. The flip-side to the sunny, wind-free weather was that the slopes got incredibly icy in the afternoon and also the risk of goggle-tan-lines.

Anyway, near the end I discovered the waves on one of the slopes – a series of consecutive bumps for jumping I guess – they were sooo much fun! I mean, just hitting air on the slopes is exhilarating! But then again, the rest of the course was icy and irregularly bumpy making it difficult to relax and enjoy the incredible weather and scenery.

So yeah, that was my day today.

I also been thinking I really miss my days of travelling. I think I really could do with one of those trips away from it all; I wonder where my next destination could be~

I could lead this entry on to the usual topics of work stress, my career prospects, my stagnant social life, my long term future, my life, my happiness….. but I think I’m all over the place recently. A lot of things need sorting out; I really don’t want to end up in a rut having settled for the status quo.

Some things just don’t feel right at the moment.

Two Premiership managers have been sacked without warning. Corporate bankruptcies in Japan reached 1,360 cases in January. The British pound hits 134 Japanese yen. We’ve been asked to come into the office an hour earlier from this week. Hopefully all of these are temporary and we will be able to overcome any other challenges that no doubt lay before us.

However, we must always remember that we can also look at everything, including the above in a different light. For the managers, the next step in their careers await, for the teams, hopefully a more successful series of results. Companies rise and fall, but good ideas will make it. From my point of view, a strong yen is awesome for travelling. The early office? I can’t actually think of a positive from that one!

Then again, if it is temporary, then I’m thankful that tomorrow is another one of those many Japanese national holidays!

Saturdays are one of those days that you look forward to but then as the week closes out sometimes it seems more and more like it won’t be that great, and the weekend will be over before you know it.

It’ll be a very different experience. Japan has two days dedicated to this strange global tradition. One for each side. An “ask” and “reply” sort of system. I’ve probably explained all this before… including the “obligatory” system for colleagues, etc.

It’s A Game

So, tonight I played in an 11-a-side match for the first time since I moved over here. It was a bit of a struggle for the first 30 minutes and I definitely was close to collapse by then, but I’m always amazed that after a decent warm up – usually the first half of the actual game – I’m in good shape to go. One problem is that my stamina and shape is not exactly amazing so I usually end up fading near the end with the fear of getting cramp making me walk more near the end. Anyway, today was good fun – despite a couple of strange decisions by the referee – including a bad tackle on me that ended up as a free kick for the opposition.

Tokyo is a strange city. It feels like there’s a plethora of sports facilities but it is near impossible to book any of them. The best chance is to apply for the lottery, which takes place months in advance. How strange!

Anyway, that is all for today

It’s been a long week; as work gets busier, life gets simpler. The day to day stresses have morphed from those that will burn me out to those that seem more manageable. Thinking back the hellish week before my vacation, I remember how stressed out I was – honestly, I can’t really explain the reasons behind the manageability.

I think with work as well as with life, it’s the simple fact of being acknowledged. It doesn’t matter how simple the task, all that matters is the people around you appreciating your presence and effort.

In this era of economic uncertainty, the simple fact of having a decent income and decent work to do is something to be thankful for. Admittedly, this doesn’t stop anyone from complaining about everything and anything.

The pursuit of happiness; happiness is sometimes painted as this grand idea but it can really come from the smallest things.

When your heart and your head are in different places, or even the same place, it can be confusing. Man should never give up that pursuit.

You know it’s nearly 6 months since I moved to Japan. Questions such as what I have achieved, what I still need to achieve and all that need answers….

I think life is all about the balance between contemplation and conversation.

I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Let the count down begin

I feel incredibly lost and confused. I wouldn’t say depressed or sad and I don’t really want to put a negative spin on this feeling but it is a complicated mirage of feelings.

Anything and anyone can be misunderstood or misinterpreted and that is definitely the last thing I want.

I went to Hong Kong for a weekend and returned feeling incredibly refreshed but within a few days work stress had returned to critical levels and to add to all the mess in my head, everyone is cross examining my life. To be honest, I really like that people are taking an interest in me, but it has made me consider my situation a lot. Thinking can be incredibly tiring sometimes.

I have walked through a million scenarios over the past god knows how long but the frustrating thing is that none of the scenarios lead anywhere helpful.

I know how it looks. I know how it really is – on my side at least. I know what I want. I just don’t know how to tie all those things together and make it happen.

I realised a few days back that I should be more honest with myself and others. Even after realising how guarded I am over this stuff, it is so difficult to just come out and be open about such things.

I’m not sure what else to say. Some people may say I’m still young. Some people may say that I’m still so pure, innocent or even naive. Sometimes I just wish that someone would just sort things out for me. I seem to be missing some guts.

why why why why why why why why

I thought I’d finished with the whole figuring out where my future lay but with this unexpected turn of events, I have the opportunity to figure it all out again.

The whole unravelling of my future has left me dazed, unbalanced and any other word which can describe this unsettling plethora of feelings; I have somewhat lost confidence – have I lost my way after the first step?

I really have no idea if I want to stay in this industry or not at the moment. I didn’t expect to feel how I felt today; I didn’t really know what to expect.

All I can do is fight on. Believe in myself. Rediscover that lost path.

I keep telling myself that it’s just 3 weeks. I keep trying to persuade myself to hold out. I keep losing focus. Three weeks should be an incredibly short time – actually, 3 days is what I should be focusing on. There aren’t even 3 days before the first exam and I can’t seem to find that spark inside of me. I talked previously about hitting that figurative brick wall; I seem to be waiting for someone or something to break it down for me rather than attempt to scale it. I’ve been on and off for the past few weeks, sometimes discovering that drive to learn and then just as quickly being convinced that there is no point.

The next 3 weeks will be the culmination of the last 20 years of my life. Admittedly the education I received in pre-kindergarten at the age of 3 has no bearing on how well I do in the next three weeks but the fact remains, my full-time education draws to a close soon.